Nutcracker or Prince of Peace

It seems to get harder and harder each year to wait to watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas music.  Not because I'm just dying to and I've decided to wait, but because all the stations start pulling out the Christmas stuff before Halloween is even over.  So, I maneuver ever so carefully through the movies and the music until I see Santa come through at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

But as I sit here and watch my mom move around the house setting up Christmas decorations, I'm reminded that there's more to this than lights, greenery, music and movies about hearts growing three sizes bigger.  As the music and lyrics swirl around me while I sit on the couch, I find that my lips easily begin to sing along, but that my heart has a problem singing along too.

I know that He came to save me from Satan's power when I'd gone astray. I know that Jesus made that decision long, long before I was ever here.  I know that He loves me so much that He gave up all His glory to arrive in a stinky stable.  I know that He is worthy of my praise and that I should give Him all that I have to give, even though it will never come close to what He truly deserves.

But the problem comes when I realize that my head knows these things, just as it knows the lyrics to all the Christmas songs, but that my heart is struggling to agree.  I feel like my God, my loving Prince of Peace is a nutcracker standing on the shelf of my life, still, lifeless and motionless.  I battle believing that He's better left alone standing there as decoration, instead of alive and active.

My outside is decorated with a smile, joyful attitude and helpful actions, but my heart sits frozen, locked away behind many closed doors and I quietly hope that it will finally be safe from harm there.  And the one person I need to let in the most, is the one that I want to keep away the most.  I feel like He hurt me, but He's the only one that can heal my lackluster way of thinking.  He came so that I may have hope and live life to the fullest, so why have I let myself see Him as a steadfast nutcracker?

Father, Abba Father, heal my heart to the fullest this season.  Help me to remember that you think I'm worth it.  Show me that you are more than a nutcracker; sweep my heart out of the dark closet and into Your light of truth.  Teach my heart to again sing along with my lips.  Thank you for how you love me. Forgive me for pushing you to the side and thinking that you were unable to calm my fears.  Thank you for how this season sings of your glorious wonder.  May I ever be in awe of you.  Thank you for not giving up on me and continuing to chase after me so ardently.  Thank you for the tree.  Thank you for how the music speaks quietly and ever so sweetly into my dark places and how it reminds me that you are making me new.  Thank you for compassionate family and friends who show me that you are who you say you are.  Guide me to your perfect light, sweet Jesus.