Elle the Elephant: One Step at a Time

Getting back to work after the holiday was no small task.  It was all I could do to wind my brain back up and muster up the little motivation I have left to finish the semester strong.  While encouraging a friend, I remembered a very wise saying, "There's only one way to eat an elephant.  One bite at a time."

I meant what I said and I said
what I meant, an elephant's faithful
one hundred percent--Dr. Suess

Instead, we want to swallow the whole thing in one gulp.  We want events to hurry up and happen so we can start living life.  We plead for our bumps, bruises and achy-breaky hearts to be miraculously mended overnight.  But things take time.

Unlike the magic concoction that Lucy has in Narnia, things take more time to recover.  I can only trust and believe that God designed it that way for a reason.  Where's the need for a doctor if everyone heals on their own in an instant?  Our Healer wants us to look to Him to heal us of the hurts that we face.  All through the Gospels, the writers talk about how Jesus healed people almost everywhere He went.  He healed all sorts of diseases--lameness, blindness, mute, deaf, leprosy, many other illnesses and even death.  Matthew 15:29-31 describes a large crowd that brought their sick to Jesus for Him to heal; take a look:

"Jesus returned to the Sea of Galilee and climbed a hill and sat down.  A vast crowd brought to him people who were lame, blind, crippled, those who couldn’t speak, and many others. They laid them before Jesus, and he healed them all. The crowd was amazed! Those who hadn’t been able to speak were talking, the crippled were made well, the lame were walking, and the blind could see again! And they praised the God of Israel."

Doubting you can be healed; beginning to believe that if you were ever going to be well again it would've happened already?  Remember, that He's the one that stitched you together in the first place, so He's the perfect one to pull apart the pieces, remove the shrapnel, and mend it once more.

Reminded by a worship leader, God spoke through him and said, "You may not experience heart surgery today, walking out of here with a brand new heart, but don't doubt that I am healing you.  Healing takes time."

So, take it slow.  Breathe in and out again.  Place your napkin in your lap, take your fork and knife in hand and continue on, one bite at a time.

Father, thank you for your promise to take care of me.  Forgive me for when I go against you and end up making a huge mess of things.  Thank you for taking the time to mend me and make me new; thank you for how you soothe my heart and whisper words of hope to it.  Thank you for reminders and how they come at just the right moment.  Please help me to be patient and to wait on you and what you have for me.  I will praise you for your love for me is pure and holy.  How I love you.

Please know that I don't encourage eating elephants.  I think they are wonderful and majestic creatures; the discussion of eating them was merely an analogy.

Nutcracker or Prince of Peace

It seems to get harder and harder each year to wait to watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas music.  Not because I'm just dying to and I've decided to wait, but because all the stations start pulling out the Christmas stuff before Halloween is even over.  So, I maneuver ever so carefully through the movies and the music until I see Santa come through at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

But as I sit here and watch my mom move around the house setting up Christmas decorations, I'm reminded that there's more to this than lights, greenery, music and movies about hearts growing three sizes bigger.  As the music and lyrics swirl around me while I sit on the couch, I find that my lips easily begin to sing along, but that my heart has a problem singing along too.

I know that He came to save me from Satan's power when I'd gone astray. I know that Jesus made that decision long, long before I was ever here.  I know that He loves me so much that He gave up all His glory to arrive in a stinky stable.  I know that He is worthy of my praise and that I should give Him all that I have to give, even though it will never come close to what He truly deserves.

But the problem comes when I realize that my head knows these things, just as it knows the lyrics to all the Christmas songs, but that my heart is struggling to agree.  I feel like my God, my loving Prince of Peace is a nutcracker standing on the shelf of my life, still, lifeless and motionless.  I battle believing that He's better left alone standing there as decoration, instead of alive and active.

My outside is decorated with a smile, joyful attitude and helpful actions, but my heart sits frozen, locked away behind many closed doors and I quietly hope that it will finally be safe from harm there.  And the one person I need to let in the most, is the one that I want to keep away the most.  I feel like He hurt me, but He's the only one that can heal my lackluster way of thinking.  He came so that I may have hope and live life to the fullest, so why have I let myself see Him as a steadfast nutcracker?

Father, Abba Father, heal my heart to the fullest this season.  Help me to remember that you think I'm worth it.  Show me that you are more than a nutcracker; sweep my heart out of the dark closet and into Your light of truth.  Teach my heart to again sing along with my lips.  Thank you for how you love me. Forgive me for pushing you to the side and thinking that you were unable to calm my fears.  Thank you for how this season sings of your glorious wonder.  May I ever be in awe of you.  Thank you for not giving up on me and continuing to chase after me so ardently.  Thank you for the tree.  Thank you for how the music speaks quietly and ever so sweetly into my dark places and how it reminds me that you are making me new.  Thank you for compassionate family and friends who show me that you are who you say you are.  Guide me to your perfect light, sweet Jesus.

The Classifieds: Head Wanted

I wonder what kind of responses I would get if I posted a wanted ad in the newspaper that read something like: Headless Horse Woman in Need of a Good Head.  Must have eyes focused upward, mind set on things above and able to fit on straight.

Some would probably see it and chuckle, thinking it was a Halloween prank that ran a week late, others would wonder who hacked into the newspaper, but most would probably just brush it off and continue onto the crossword puzzle.

I highly doubt that most long for a good head, or if they do they don't acknowledge it as such.  But I really do want a good head. Not the kind sitting on my shoulders--I'd like a godly man and leader of our family.  Look at Ephesians 5:23--"For a husband in the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church.  He is the Savior of his body, the church."

I know that many women fought years ago for equal rights between women and men.  God created us equal, but different.  I'm not saying that I'm not thankful for how women stood up for our rights, but God created man to be the head, or leader, of the family.  Man.  Not me.  And as much as I love my right to vote and freely express my thoughts, I want to be lead by a godly man in the way that pleases the Lord.

Until God provides someone to answer my Wanted Ad, I have to remember that He is supposed to be my head.  He is the one that is supposed to lead and guide me.  He is the one that has authority over me, loves me in the way that I long for, sacrificed himself for me, and understands all that I'm going through.  God won't lead me astray, He is with me til the end, and divorce isn't in His vocabulary.

So I will ask Him to provide me with a head like His, when the time is right.  In the meantime, I will learn to love His guidance and be patient while I wait.  I will continue to hope and trust that He will fulfill His promise to provide me with all that I need.

But....if on the odd chance that you run across a stray head rolling across the road, feel free to give me a call.

Father, thank you for being my leader.  Help me to focus my thoughts and eyes on you, let me be patient and trust you with all that I am.  Thank you for your love, sacrifice and understanding.  How I love you.