Who's the Planner?

Thank goodness for calendars.  I'm probably even more grateful for calendars that are small enough for me to carry with me.

As a planner, I can't help but love my calendar.  It helps me keep track of what's coming, which in turn means that I help make sure I'm rarely caught off guard.  But more and more I'm finding that the things I want to be on my calendar aren't even penciled in.  Things like the day I find out a man likes me, the day he asks me on a date, the day of our first date, the day of our umteenth date, the day he asks my dad for permission to marry me, the day he buys the ring, the day he asks me to honor God with him for the rest of our lives, the day my best friend and I figure out wedding details, the day my mom has tears in her eyes because we find the perfect dress, the day I say "I do," get cake smashed in my face and dance with my dad, the day we start our lives together.

While I want to write these things in my planner, and honestly I very well could, that doesn't mean that they will happen when I write them down.  Ultimately, I have to rely on my Planner and trust that His timing is perfect for me.  But I'll be honest, most days, even most moments, I struggle with letting Him hold the pen.

I complain, groan and whine.  I probably sound like a three-year-old after dinner, "But MOM! I ate my broccoli AND my green beans.  I ate all of them! Why can't I have dessert now?"  The problem lies with my motivation.  Did I eat my veggies because of their nutrition and because I knew they would help me grow strong so that I can be ready for what God calls me to do, or did I eat them because I wanted the reward of a yummy dessert afterwards?  Did I wait patiently and surrender plans to Him because I wanted those things on my calendar or because I wanted to honor my Father?

Even if dessert is promised, I hate waiting.  Even after I try my hardest to be patient and wait, I sometimes find myself still waiting.  It's tiresome and often times I feel hopeless after waiting what feels like forever.  And then He brings me a reminder..."Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory.  We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment.  For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:2-5

The portion in verse 2 that says, "brought us into" means that He escorts us into the throne room.  Not only are we no longer walking into rooms alone, and not only is He escorting us, He's escorting us into the throne room--the place where He dwells.  And when we're frustrated because God hasn't penned in events that we think should already be on our calendar, we have to remember that it's a chance to grow in patience.  With that patience comes character, which makes our hope strong.  This next part I love.  "And this hope will not lead to disappointment."  Why?  Because this hope isn't in the events that happen, it's not in the dessert that we receive, this hope doesn't lead to disappointment because we hope in God himself.  We have hope because we remember how much He loves us and that He gave us the Holy Spirit to fill us completely with His love.

So as much as I want Him to put all those things on my calendar, today I'm asking Him to give me a bigger craving for Himself.  I'm asking Him to help me not focus on my calendar, but on Him instead.  I'm so thankful for His gentle, sweet reminder that has brought me a newfound hope and for how He is so patient with me when I keep asking, "Are we there yet?!"

Please, Father, help me to look at the scenery along the way, enjoy the ride and to find my contentment in Your presence.  Forgive me for when I'm not satisfied with You alone.  Show me how only You can complete me and fill my heart until I am without want.  Thank you for Your Holy Spirit and hope that won't lead to disappointment. How I love you, Jesus.